They have it easy, the ones who can mourn the dead

– Kamila Shamsie

I wonder sometimes, where would I be now, had I seen his body cough up his soul free. They tell their versions of his death. The dead body she saw on Skype, he bathed, she kissed…the dead body. Soul-less, stiffened, cold.

What if I had my own version? What if I had seen life gather itself out of the moles on his soles? Had I seen life make that bitter escape from his body would I have mourned his death altogether all at once?

It’s different now when the mind take its liberties. He is out there somewhere, perhaps. Hope is a creepy little thing, I tell you. Hope. Aasha..





What’ll you do when you get lonely
And nobody’s waiting by your side?
You’ve been running and hiding much too long.
You know it’s just your foolish pride.

Layla, you’ve got me on my knees.
Layla, I’m begging, darling please.
Layla, darling won’t you ease my worried mind.

Khan Sahb and I lost our Layla on January 22, 2016.

I wish I could talk about it more, come to terms with the loss. There are no words though. Heart mourns..

We grieve..



This is a personal post.

I have strung each post in this blog with personal experiences, snippets of what goes on in my life and yet I’ve never used it as a medium to voice out what hearts only tell paper.

I was drawn to the anarchy and unpredictability of Lahore and more than that I was drawn to its people who manage to stay calm in the whirlwind of restlessness that it is.

It’s only after this calm has become a part of me that I have begun to look at it with something other than admiration.


This ability to remain calm in the storm is really immunity bouncing off the wall, creating an illusion of courage and inner peace.

I didn’t come here wanting to become immune. Lahore was supposed to be a refuge, a meditative journey, a city that brings me closer to me. And yet I find myself..immune! Yun na tha maine faqat chaha tha yun ho jaye…

Perhaps, I’m mistaken.

Of course, I am!

All it has shown me has been the best in others. It has only acted as a mirror, reflecting  my own numbness back to me. How can I then blame it for the just discovered immunity?